Today, I finally started listening to Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I obtained the unabridged version read by the author. I'm going to be honest; I have been avoiding it. I work at a HBCU and this book is the chosen Freshman reader so I need to read it. I was avoiding it because after reading the summary, I knew there would be new truths about life in American I could not escape. Coates did not disappoint.
I am about half-way thru Disc 1. I've already dried many tears. I have already begun to internalize and re-evaluate some past life experiences, reconcile the new information with the experiences shared with me by my husband, and project forward for life for my own biracial children. I wonder if I am strong enough to raise strong Black women who can survive not only being Mexican in American but Black as well. If my experiences are of otherness then theirs even more so. I can turn to the words of Gloria Anzaldua for comfort; who do they have?
Not only do I worry about my girls but I think back on the past 17 years of marriage with my husband; share life experiences that of course root in our lives before each other. Coates provides visuals that are real and graphic that mirror those experiences my husband has shared with me. However, Coates does not know me so he is not holding back the bed stuff. I know my husband is. I know he knows I can only handle so much of his pain as a Black man in American so he shares selectively.
As Coates is based in Baltimore and my dissertation research had me in Baltimore, I am realizing that my husband was ready to move to Baltimore when John Hopkins came calling but he knew I was not. He was raising to survive on the streets and I was raised to survive on a rancho. I am already ready to lend a hand, trust anyone who approaches me, I was not raised to protect myself at all times. I would not have survived. Even now, I am probably not ready for the big city. I'm a small town girl without an every present coating of protection. I say I want to move to Houston but would I really ever be okay with that move? I don't know. For now, I'll continue with Coates and try to listen for lessons that I can use to help my daughters.
I am about half-way thru Disc 1. I've already dried many tears. I have already begun to internalize and re-evaluate some past life experiences, reconcile the new information with the experiences shared with me by my husband, and project forward for life for my own biracial children. I wonder if I am strong enough to raise strong Black women who can survive not only being Mexican in American but Black as well. If my experiences are of otherness then theirs even more so. I can turn to the words of Gloria Anzaldua for comfort; who do they have?
Not only do I worry about my girls but I think back on the past 17 years of marriage with my husband; share life experiences that of course root in our lives before each other. Coates provides visuals that are real and graphic that mirror those experiences my husband has shared with me. However, Coates does not know me so he is not holding back the bed stuff. I know my husband is. I know he knows I can only handle so much of his pain as a Black man in American so he shares selectively.
As Coates is based in Baltimore and my dissertation research had me in Baltimore, I am realizing that my husband was ready to move to Baltimore when John Hopkins came calling but he knew I was not. He was raising to survive on the streets and I was raised to survive on a rancho. I am already ready to lend a hand, trust anyone who approaches me, I was not raised to protect myself at all times. I would not have survived. Even now, I am probably not ready for the big city. I'm a small town girl without an every present coating of protection. I say I want to move to Houston but would I really ever be okay with that move? I don't know. For now, I'll continue with Coates and try to listen for lessons that I can use to help my daughters.
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